Overcoming Relationship Struggles
Updated: Jun 28, 2020
There is a TV show called "Billions" and it features a politician husband and therapist wife. When the show first aired in 2016 I can remember being fascinated by the dynamic between this fictional couple. They disagreed vehemently about serious and personally important topics and yet they stayed together. They talked about their opposing views and how they felt. Sometimes the feelings were big feelings, like anger and resentment. Yet when the conversation was over, they were still in relationship. Not necessarily happy, but turning towards the conflict, not ignoring it.
My point isn't that incompatible people should stay together.
What I'm getting at is that for the adult children of narcissistic parents, it can be a revolutionary concept that people can disagree and still stay in relationship.
For me, growing up with narcissistic parents, I learned that love and kindness and attention could be withdrawn at any moment for any reason. I was always trying to figure out the rules of the game, to win my parents' love, and the rules were a constantly moving target.
As an adult, I struggled to express my feelings and needs in relationships, and then quickly became angry and resentful towards the other person. I didn't have any awareness that this was happening, I just felt frustrated and hurt and didn't understand why.
Part of my recovery process has been becoming aware of these patterns, learning new skills for communicating in relationship, and making more conscious choices about who I enter into relationship with.
I help my clients learn these same skills. It's an extraordinary process to experience and to witness. When relationships can actually be a source of support and comfort, we can live life in a whole new way.
If you are interested in learning more about daughters of narcissists click here.
About the Author
Diana Calvo is a psychotherapist and coach who helps people get unstuck and transform their day-to-day experience of work and life. After 20 years successfully climbing the corporate ladder, Diana experienced her own journey of healing and awakening. She discovered her true calling to guide others on their journey out of suffering and into a life of purpose and joy. Diana left the corporate world to start her own coaching business. She lives in Denver, Colorado with her dog Joey and a beautiful view of the mountains. She works with clients across the globe.