Be Kind To Yourself
Updated: Jun 28
Being kind to yourself is a key aspect of emotional well-being.
The way you treat yourself matters. Self-regard can go undetected for years because it is so deeply ingrained and such an all-encompassing aspect of being. It’s like we can’t see it because it’s everywhere.
There are many reasons why people do not treat themselves with kindness. In the case of adult daughters of narcissistic mothers, it’s possible that we never had anyone model for us what kindness looks like. Narcissistic mothers teach daughters that relationships are transactional in nature. You must do something or be something in order to get love and attention. Because being yourself is never enough in this type of parent-child relationship, daughters develop a subconscious dislike of themselves early on. These girls grow into women who have only ever learned how to regard themselves harshly, oftentimes with self-hatred, disgust and contempt.
Part of healing from the experience of a narcissistic mother is becoming aware of these subconscious beliefs. With awareness you become free to make different choices.
This is what my current practice of kindness towards self looks like:
I show myself kindness through the choices I make. I choose to believe in myself. I choose to keep showing up for life and doing my best. I choose to acknowledge the things that are going well. I choose to stop fighting with my current circumstances.
I show myself kindness in the way that I respond to those unhelpful thoughts racing around in my head. I respond with kind, encouraging and supportive thoughts.
I show myself kindness by sitting with myself in the same way I would sit beside another person who is facing a difficult challenge.
I show myself kindness by seeing the newborn baby in myself. I look at myself and I acknowledge the innocence, perfection and unlimited potential inside me, that I see so easily when I look at a newborn baby.
I show myself kindness by loving myself in this moment, with all the imperfection and uncertainty staring me in the face. I intentionally decide that loving myself won’t be saved for some time in the future when everything is worked out.
I show myself kindness by being compassionate with myself when I’m just not ready to make a difficult decision, even if I know in my gut it’s what I need to do.
Have you ever stopped to consider how you regard yourself? What is your attitude toward yourself? How do you treat yourself?
What would it be like to be kind to yourself?
For more information about daughters of narcissists click here.
About the Author
Diana Calvo is a psychotherapist and coach who helps people get unstuck and transform their day-to-day experience of work and life. After 20 years successfully climbing the corporate ladder, Diana experienced her own journey of healing and awakening. She discovered her true calling to guide others on their journey out of suffering and into a life of purpose and joy. Diana left the corporate world to start her own coaching business. She lives in Denver, Colorado with her dog Joey and a beautiful view of the mountains. She works with clients across the globe.