couples therapy

Couples therapy can help when you feel disconnected from your partner.

There are all kinds of reasons why people feel lonely and isolated even though they are in a romantic partnership. Is communication a challenge right now? Has it been a challenge for a while? Perhaps you and your partner trigger each other with your words and you don't know how to get out of that pattern. You may have noticed that the fighting is getting more frequent and more intense. It's possible that you feel at a loss for how to get what you want and need from your relationship. Are you wanting to learn how you and your partner can communicate more effectively?  

Many couples struggle to communicate well and to feel connected emotionally and physically.

Couples get stuck in their patterns and end up hurting each other repeatedly. The more hurt, the less likely each partner is to speak openly and honestly and to ask for much needed support. This leads to more isolation, and more hurt, and the resentments build. Many couples who outwardly appear to have a perfect relationship are privately struggling with the hurt, pain, and resentment that build up over years of feeling unheard and unseen.

interracial couple embracing on a bench
queer couple laughing together

The therapy session is an opportunity for you and your partner to feel emotionally connected and intimate. 

Couples therapy sessions are 90 minutes in length and take place virtually or in person in Broomfield, CO. I observe your interactions and actively coach you in-the-moment to see yourself and your partner in a new way, to understand your own experience and your partner's experience differently, and to experiment with new ways of communicating and behaving. We don't talk theoretically about your relationship. Instead, we work "live" with the dynamic between you and your partner that is happening in the session.

It is extremely important to begin having a different kind of experience with your partner.

When couples are fighting, not talking, or struggling to communicate, each person experiences their partner as a kind of threat. Your brain and body begin to associate your partner with negative feelings and experiences. Having different kinds of experiences with your partner, ones that feel safe, loving, kind, and respectful, begin the important process of re-wiring your physiology. The more experiences of safety and security you create with your partner, the more you can relax. When two people are in a safe and relaxed state, then they can start solving problems creatively in ways that are genuinely a win-win for both people.

Sometimes couples worry about sharing their private experiences with a stranger.

This makes a lot of sense, and it can feel awkward at first to talk about personal things with someone you've never met. My style as a therapist is collaborative and supportive, and I work to challenge clients in ways that are appropriate. Just because I ask a question doesn't mean you have to answer it. In most cases, clients tell me they feel comfortable sharing, and even relieved, much sooner than they expected.

 

You might be afraid of what you'll find out when you and your partner start talking about the real issues.

Fear of the unknown builds when things go unsaid for long periods of time. One of the biggest benefits of therapy is speaking and knowing the truth, both for yourself and for your partner. In many cases, the anticipation is far worse than the actual conversation. Difficult conversations are never fun, but with practice, you can learn how to get comfortable with the discomfort of hard conversations. Over time, this is an incredibly powerful way of building trust and intimacy with your partner.

four people in a polyamorous relationship
young couple having fun

Speaking the truth to your partner might hurt their feelings.

It is possible that you might hurt your partner's feelings. It is also possible that you both might feel a lot better once things are out in the open. There is something relieving about putting words to a difficult situation. Also, not speaking the truth to your partner can be another form of hurting them. Relationships create endless opportunities for personal growth, and learning how to be honest with yourself, and the people you care about, is an important part of growing up and really stepping into adulthood.

A lot is possible when two people want to create something wonderful.

A big reason why relationships are so challenging is the same reason that relationships are so wonderful. Relationships point to areas for personal growth, development, and change. Areas in your relationship where you feel stuck are begging for your attention. There is something there for you to learn, and it may end up being something unexpected. With my coaching, support, and diligence, you and your partner can use couples therapy to discover new opportunities to move forward as individuals and together.  

Let's talk!

In your search for relationship coaching in Denver, Colorado, chemistry is everything. You can schedule a free video consultation to see how it feels to talk with me and to ask any questions you may have. If you have particular concerns about couples therapy, I encourage you to bring them up when we meet! Please familiarize yourself with my pricing and logistics before scheduling.