Grief & Loss
Endings can be devastating, and thoughts about the finality of things can bring up an overwhelming cascade of emotions.
If you have lost a friend or family member, it can feel strange how day-to-day life continues despite such a life-changing shift in your reality. Death tends to be both surprising and shocking, regardless of whether or not there was any advanced warning. It takes time to adjust and we don’t often give ourselves that time.
You might have lost someone many years ago, but never really took the time to fully grieve your loss. Maybe you feel like this loss is old news and are wondering why you still can’t just get over it.
Death isn’t the only kind of ending that can rattle a person down to his or her core. There are other types of endings that represent a significant change to life as you currently know it, and these are also valid experiences of loss. These are just some of the many examples of loss that affect our sense of well-being:
career change, job termination or layoff
children leaving home
the end of a friendship
a family member getting diagnosed with an illness
loss of a pet
Sometimes highly desired changes that have been a long time coming can trigger complicated feelings of loss that are difficult to understand. It can be confusing to be feeling sadness, grief, or a longing for how things used to be in response to these events. For example:
the birth of a baby, especially if it was difficult to conceive
a first marriage that comes later in life
a significant job promotion
completing a professional or educational milestone such as a degree or certification
Most of us were never taught how to acknowledge endings and process our emotions around them.
Somewhere along the way our culture lost the ritual aspect of dealing with death, and other types of loss. It's immensely helpful to process these events openly and with the support of community, but a large portion of society does not operate this way.
As a result we don’t know how to be with other people who are facing loss, and we don’t know how to be with ourselves when we experience loss. It can feel like having no idea what to do.
There is also the tendency to want to skip over the uncomfortable emotions that are part of acknowledging loss and grieving what is no more. We might wish we could just get on to the next thing and forget about it.
No matter how devastated you feel, you have within you the innate ability to recover and start again.
When I was grieving the events of my childhood, there were times when I thought it would never end. I felt like I had a bottomless well of sadness inside me that never emptied no matter how many tears I cried.
But with help I was able to learn how to deal with grief. And even though I still have moments of grief, it is considerably less intense, less frequent, and less time consuming than it used to be. It’s shifted.
The feelings that you have related to your loss are sitting in your body as energy that naturally wants to move. The energy of those emotions is looking for a way to leave your body. When you express your emotions the energy leaves and you feel relief.
In my coaching sessions I can help you learn how to express your emotions so that the energy of those emotions can leave your body and you can feel relief.
Your grief can simply be what it is during our coaching sessions. Having a safe space to genuinely express yourself without restraint is often the key to moving on.
My coaching is based on the premise that nothing is wrong with you, it’s only that you have developed some habits that aren’t particularly useful anymore. The habits have to do with thinking, believing, feeling, responding, avoiding, seeking. Through the examination of these habits, you will naturally open up to doing what you don’t normally do, and this is how you genuinely change over time and eventually find yourself successfully overcoming grief.
It’s not a sexy, glamorous, over-the-top, leave-everything-behind-and-get-a-new-life kind of change. Rather, it’s a change in the experience of normal, mundane, everyday life.
This is a big deal when we are struggling to make it through day-to-day life.
It’s a change that is genuine and that lasts. It’s a return to inner peace, and a sense of being comfortable in your own skin. It’s a calm inside that runs steady and deep, as life continues to bring its ups and downs.
Perhaps you believe grieving is something to do privately, and you are uncomfortable exposing your grief to another person.
Even though we often believe we have to do it all on our own, the truth is that we aren’t meant to do life alone. We exist in relationship to others, and we process our thoughts and feelings in a different way when another person is present. Being witnessed by another is an extremely powerful force for healing.
It’s also important to remember that grieving can’t be contained within the time frame of a coaching session. The more open you are to allowing yourself to have your process, the more opportunity there will be to grieve in private outside of the coaching session. The support you receive during the coaching session will help you cope with grieving as and when it comes up in everyday life.
If you’ve had trouble expressing any kind of emotion in response to your loss, you might be skeptical that coaching can help.
I can teach you how to regain access to your emotions, including the grief, sadness, anger, guilt and loneliness that often accompany loss. This is learned through intention, focus and practice.
Emotions are energy that is located in the physical body. We can work together during the coaching session to learn how to grieve by focusing on the body, identifying physical sensations, and then identifying the emotional energy beneath those physical sensations.
Not only will this process help you cope with loss, but it also creates the potential for you to come back to your body and begin to access all the information your body has available to you. There is an incredible wisdom in the body that most of us are ignoring. The information can be used to navigate all aspects of life from a place of greater confidence and clarity.
You might be feeling embarrassed or frustrated that you can't just get over your loss and move on with your life.
An important aspect of moving on is the willingness to feel your feelings. Paradoxically, it is in the trying to avoid the pain of loss, or in believing that we can just skip over the grief associated with loss, that we create a great deal of suffering for ourselves.
When you stop resisting grief, and allow yourself to feel it, there is a tremendous amount of emotional relief. Ultimately, with time, the intensity of the grief lessens considerably. Also, because you have now experienced your grief, you no longer fear it. For many people, the absence of fear is an incredible source of emotional liberation.
We live in a world of planning and scheduling, and you might have ideas about what is an acceptable amount of time to feel upset. The more you can let go of any timelines, and any other aspect of grieving that you want to control, the more you will get out of the way of your recovery.
" I would like to recommend Diana Calvo for intuitive healing sessions. Here’s why. I went to Diana seeking clarity. I had been making important choices about my future and was foggy and confused with a mix of emotions. In just a short time, Diana helped me gain clarity on how to move forward. I was stuck and through the work we did together, I was untied. Diana is incredibly welcoming. She presents a peaceful environment in which to do the work. Her process is well thought out, yet organic based on your needs. Her insights were spot on to what I needed in that moment. With her guidance, we ended this session with a feeling of peacefulness and certainty. "
About the Author
Diana Calvo is a certified life coach and registered psychotherapist who helps people get unstuck and transform their day-to-day experience of work and life. After 20 years successfully climbing the corporate ladder, Diana experienced her own journey of healing and awakening. She discovered her true calling to guide others on their journey out of suffering and into a life of purpose and joy. Diana left the corporate world to start her own coaching business. She lives in Denver, Colorado with her dog Joey and a beautiful view of the mountains. She works with clients across the globe.